Do or die
The pattern persists, the pattern persists. I woke up late again, the pattern persists, the sink isn't very full of dishes, but it's not empty either, the pattern persists, I slept badly again, the pattern persists, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, the house smells bad, I forgot to clean the cat's litter box... I forgot? I highly doubt it, maybe a cigarette will calm me down? Nah, there's a sweet treat in the fridge, damn, I should cut out sugar.
There's nothing special about me, I have a job, debts, cats, a girlfriend, hobbies, three or four friends, sometimes I go to the gym, sometimes I don't, I'm trying to avoid sugar, maybe I'm lactose intolerant, I don't know, I don't want to turn a diagnosis into a personality trait, yes I want a sip of your milkshake, damn. No sugar.
My attention span has been shrinking for years. Endless feeds, short videos, constant stimulation. I don't think they're the cause of everything, but I can feel what they did to me. Sitting down with a book now feels like lifting weights.
I read a book, The Man in the High Castle, well-written, intense. Why do I feel something reading a book, but staring at a computer screen leaves me in a state of pure apathy? TV destroyed my empathy with its sensationalist news. A comment section on an Instagram post is political garbage. Why i'm wasting my little free time?
Now I have a physical notebook. I carry it in a bag to the gym. I write down how many kilos I lifted, how many repetitions I did. People look at that notebook and wonder what that crazy person is doing, so what? Does it change anything? I have my breakfast, struggle to wake up, drink my morning cup of coffee, take my girlfriend to her work, it's raining, clean the cat litter box, I'm late for work, it doesn't matter, I'll give it 100%, I'll eat well, wash the dishes, I don't want to miss the gym today, I'm stuck on chapter 6 of The Count of Monte Cristo, I'm going to finish this book even if it kills me.
It won't kill me.
One page a day. One workout a day. No sugar.
Do or die.